Henry's New Clothes

SCENE: Royal dressing room.
AT RISE: King Henry VIII is trying on a royal mantle. Standing next to him is Thomas Cromwell.

CROMWELL: You look sensational.
HENRY (holding the mantle in front of himself): No hood. Just as I like it.
CROMWELL: This cloth will hang on you like a dream.
HENRY (now putting on the mantle): Hanging is no good, a swift cut along the neck is most preferable.
CROMWELL: Aren't you glad you came to me, King Henry?
HENRY: I am still a lost cause, Cromwell.
CROMWELL: Nonsense. (Handing Henry a bouquet of flowers) These are for you, marking the first day of the rest of your life...
(Henry takes the flowers and begins absent-mindedly chopping off the flower heads.)
HENRY: It's a burden, being a ruler by divine right. I'm not sure if I have the chops.
CROMWELL: Come to the mirror.
(They approach a mirror, which is hanging from the dressing room wall in an ornately-decorated frame.)
HENRY: That will do for this half of me.
CROMWELL: Let's bring another. (He runs to the opposite side of the room, takes down a second mirror hanging there, and returns to Henry, placing the second mirror at the side of the first.) There, now we can see all of you.
(Henry raises his empty hand, as if holding an axe, and, chuckling to himself, starts slashing at his own neckline in the mirror.)
CROMWELL (coughing, to interject): Dear Henry, you are to look into your own eyes in the mirror and say "I am the King!" And keep saying it, until you believe it!
(Henry starts mumbling "I am the King" to himself. Cromwell opens a box and pulls out a bejewelled crown.)
CROMWELL: Turn to me, Henry. Who are you?
HENRY: I am the King!
CROMWELL: Good! (He places the bejewelled crown on Henry's head.) Now, look at yourself again.
(Henry turns to the mirror and looks pleasantly surprised.)
HENRY: Oh my god!
CROMWELL: Do you like it?
HENRY: It's marvelous. I'm so happy. I'm going to give all my ministers free beheadings. (Wiping a tear from his cheek.) Cromwell, I'm very grateful to you.
CROMWELL: Think nothing of it.
Henry raises a real axe to Cromwell's neck.
HENRY: May I?
CROMWELL: Oh, certainly. Say hello to the ministers for me.
HENRY: I will, old friend.
(Henry brings axe down - LIGHTS OUT at the moment the axe would behead Cromwell.)

CURTAIN