Life's Little Mysteries

Doctor: "It's worse than we thought."
Patient: "What do you see, doctor?"

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Customs officer: "Open this package so I can see inside, please."
Traveller: "Certainly..."

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Policeman: "Now you know what we keep under our 'ats, laddie..."

From the Past XV

The missing link was much like us, but couldn't ride a two-wheeler.

Photo Album XIV

Medical supplies being sent to trapped miners.

Food and clothing to follow.

Photo Album XIII

"Fetch my book and pencil, Jenkins. It's a chaffinch."

History of Medicine in Pictures

Early prosthetics were made on a treadle table. This patient's new arm will be gingham.

Patient with persecution complex, moments after a sedative was administered.

Nurse assisting in a tense game of Jack Straws.

Nurses and hospital bed. It would be another two decades before patients were invented.

Doctor gets distracted by early VR equipment. Patient had died sixty minutes previous.

From the Past XIV

"You hold his moustache, I'll grab his wallet."

Bespoke, Bothered, and Bewildered

SCENE: Carpenter's workshop.
AT RISE: The carpenter is teaching a group of apprentices. A customer enters. The carpenter approaches him.

Carpenter: "Take a seat."
Customer: "Thank you, but I have four at home."
Carpenter: "How can we help?"
Customer: "I'd like you to make me a table."
Carpenter: "Certainly, I'll make you a table. You'll be the finest table this side of the Mississippi."
Customer: "Marvellous, marvellous."

Cooking Class Warfare

The Place

Young children are taking cooking classes to "assist them in confronting life's practical problems: planning, shopping, weights, measures, keeping the fuzz at the door, etc.," says school director Juliana Rittenhouse.

In the kitchen, the children work with miniature stoves and sinks. The chef de cuisine's little voice can be heard, even from outside, effing and blinding. Moments later, an apprentice will storm out for a good cry and smoke.

On The Menu

For dessert, the fledgling chefs whip up a sponge cake in the form of a sun with rays: a special sweet made to "reflect their mood". Recently, the parents of one boy were asked to stay after class, because he had made a fondant noose. "What can I tell you?" remarked the boy's bewildered father. "He's an intense kid. He used to want the stock reports read to him at bedtime. Once, when the market was volatile, we found him in the treehouse on the ledge, staring into the abyss."

Verdict

The school disclaims an intent to "create chefs". Frankly, this is no concern, judging by the fare coming from the kitchen. This reporter was given a rare steak (uncooked) with a side of ice cream when he visited. Marching to the kitchen and confronting the chef de cuisine precipitated a hasty retreat, by myself, outside for a good cry and smoke. There, a whimpering commis chef, rather than offering sympathy, found the opportunity to bolster her allegiance to the head chef. "His steak is the first and last word in the culinary arts," said five-year-old Lucy, and then added, "Now get lost, I can't be seen with you."