Who Built the Pyramids?

Speculation abounds as to how the pyramids came to be. How did the ancients build these monolithic structures? The brunt of the work was undertaken by labourers, many of whom died on site, as evidenced by a mass grave nearby the great pyramid. We know the mass grave dates back to Ancient Egypt, because there is a giant bandage wrapped around it.

Conspiracy theorists suggest the pyramids were intergalatic landing pads for alien spaceships. This arrangement lasted six hundred years until an ET was found smuggling illicit substances — an incident that heralded the decline of Ancient Egypt.

Strangely, pyramids dating back millenia appear in many corners of the globe. Stranger still, we find ourselves on a globe with corners. The Peruvian pyramids are said to predate Egypt's by 100 years. Peruvian emperors prided themselves on owning a complete set of first-run, original pyramids. Legend has it that one emperor was overthown after trading his set for a vintage Tonka truck.

Pyramid Construction - In Pictures

"Look, dear, the pyramids are coming up."
"It must be spring."

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Labourers constructing the first pyramid.

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The first pyramid prototype. This design kept falling over.

Photo Album XVIII

New York, 1902. Driver waits for the newly-formed AAA to jumpstart his frozen vehicle. In those days, this service involved a bull-necked man with a steel-toe boot.

Hark! The Herald Post News Sing

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Graduation Ceremony Today J. Chapple will act as master of ceremonies for an inner city school graduation at 8 p.m. today. The address to the 33 graduates will be given in haste before they leave for the discos and back alleys. Rev. Glenn Blagg will lead the class prayer which will beseech his safe travel home without one of the graduates doing him a mischief. A piano solo will be presented by C. Katz. The class prophecy will be read by Annette Sidebottom, a forecast of 9 years ending in a motel room shootout. Sidebottom will then be joined by Katz for a piano duet. F. Bennis will award the diplomas following the program and the audience will sing the school song with piano accompaniment, a terrace chant in the style of Knees Up Mother Brown. Charges for 'Gallivanting Joyrider' Charges were brought against a “gallivanting joyrider” yesterday, following an alchohol-fueled joyride in Southwark. Attending a wedding reception that afternoon, Ronald Kelp had indulged in “too much toasting”. The No. 47 to Lewisham was later seen driven by Kelp reaching speeds of 90 miles-per-hour. Eye witness reports from within the vehicle described a chaotic scene. One elderly man reached for the stop button, was knocked off his feet, and, from the floor, continued pushing at the air above him. Passenger Francine Dishwater had been discussing the sleeping arrangements of her neighbour’s lodger when the bus suddenly braked, sending her flying

and landing a couple of seats in front. The scandal was resumed with her new seating companion. A young mother with a babe in arms, ostensibly hers, was induced to a vigorous rocking by the turbulence. Thanks were given to the driver as the infant could finally sleep. The incident ended when the elderly man, still floor-bound, used his walking stick to push the stop button. Kelp made a screeching halt, which sent all the passengers tumbling to the front of the bus. Ms. Dishwater said Kelp ordered everybody to exit at the back. One-Legged Man Killed A motorist last night struck and killed B. L. Winkle, a one-legged 54-year-old street vendor. The efficiency of striking and killing, instead of killing and then striking, was unanimously admired by witnesses. Winkle, a father of two with one leg, had one dying wish: to be remembered for something other than his unipedal status. A funeral will take place on Monday for Winkle, a one-legged man. Children with leg-shaped floral arrangements for Winkle, a one-legged man.

Photo Album XVII

An Eskimo's summerhouse.

Special Delivery

"Look, I don't mind the stilts on my grass, but don't call me 'little boy'."

Life and Times of Johnny Slowfolk

Pictured above is one Mrs. Slowfolk and her son, Johnny. Johnny had a rare congenital disease, turning his skin to metal and his shape cylindrical. Their family doctor didn't like his chances.

Doctor: "He'll live, but women will shun him."
Mrs. Slowfolk: "Is there really no hope, doctor?"
Doctor: "When he's old enough, he must mix with other metallic objects. You never know, he may find a sympathetic tin drum. It might be the romance of the century."

Mr. and Mrs. Slowfolk were confused how Johnny could turn out this way. In truth, it all started the day following little Johnny's entry into the world:

Nurse: "There was a mixup in the nursery, but I've brought you back the shiniest one."
Mrs. Slowfolk: "Thank you, nurse."
Mr. Slowfolk: "Cameraman, be sure to capture my good chest."

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Mr. and Mrs. Slowfolk soon understood that little Johnny was not like the other boys. For one thing he was magnetic. When he entered a room, all the jewellery would come flying at him. Like this he made his first million before the age of twelve.

Despite adversity, little Johnny lived to a ripe old age with little signs of rusting. Late in life, he could be found on daytrips with other pensioners.

Pictured: In his last stage of development, Johnny was a train.

*** These symbols denote a dinkus. A dinkus is a child repeatedly kept after school.