Hark! The Herald Post News Sing

---

Graduation Ceremony Today J. Chapple will act as master of ceremonies for an inner city school graduation at 8 p.m. today. The address to the 33 graduates will be given in haste before they leave for the discos and back alleys. Rev. Glenn Blagg will lead the class prayer which will beseech his safe travel home without one of the graduates doing him a mischief. A piano solo will be presented by C. Katz. The class prophecy will be read by Annette Sidebottom, a forecast of 9 years ending in a motel room shootout. Sidebottom will then be joined by Katz for a piano duet. F. Bennis will award the diplomas following the program and the audience will sing the school song with piano accompaniment, a terrace chant in the style of Knees Up Mother Brown. Charges for 'Gallivanting Joyrider' Charges were brought against a “gallivanting joyrider” yesterday, following an alchohol-fueled joyride in Southwark. Attending a wedding reception that afternoon, Ronald Kelp had indulged in “too much toasting”. The No. 47 to Lewisham was later seen driven by Kelp reaching speeds of 90 miles-per-hour. Eye witness reports from within the vehicle described a chaotic scene. One elderly man reached for the stop button, was knocked off his feet, and, from the floor, continued pushing at the air above him. Passenger Francine Dishwater had been discussing the sleeping arrangements of her neighbour’s lodger when the bus suddenly braked, sending her flying

and landing a couple of seats in front. The scandal was resumed with her new seating companion. A young mother with a babe in arms, ostensibly hers, was induced to a vigorous rocking by the turbulence. Thanks were given to the driver as the infant could finally sleep. The incident ended when the elderly man, still floor-bound, used his walking stick to push the stop button. Kelp made a screeching halt, which sent all the passengers tumbling to the front of the bus. Ms. Dishwater said Kelp ordered everybody to exit at the back. One-Legged Man Killed A motorist last night struck and killed B. L. Winkle, a one-legged 54-year-old street vendor. The efficiency of striking and killing, instead of killing and then striking, was unanimously admired by witnesses. Winkle, a father of two with one leg, had one dying wish: to be remembered for something other than his unipedal status. A funeral will take place on Monday for Winkle, a one-legged man. Children with leg-shaped floral arrangements for Winkle, a one-legged man.