Court is in session

"Before we begin, can we have a whip round for the judge?"

Hurricane Cain

Hurricane Cain has destroyed the city city.

Reporters on the scene described the situation as very wet.

The devastating hurricane has devastated the region.

One survivor described losing his home. Moments before the storm, his wife had kicked him out.

The deceased gave no comment.

Slow Watch

"This watch is a little slow. It goes, 'Tick... ah, um...'"

Define Banquet

banquet /ˈbaŋkwɪt/ 

noun: banquet; plural noun: banquets 

1: Material for sleeping under, especially in combination with a pihwo. 

2: A fwench sandwich. 

3: A lady bank.

Invention of Aircraft

Percy: "It's impossible."
Burt: "Impossible? Impossible??"
Percy: "That's what I said."
Burt: "I knew I'd heard it somewhere. News certainly travels fast around here."
Percy: "Look, I'm telling you, it can't be done. You'll never get this thing off the ground. It may well put you under it—haw haw."
Burt: "That's very funny. Do me the kindness of falling backwards on your cane—edgeways."

From the Past V

"In my day, children respected their elders. We ate our supper or they gave us a clip round the ear. Christmas day, they gave us each an orange and a clip round the ear. They used to send us up the chimney to clear the soot. It was a good turn that was rewarded. They gave us each a clip round the ear. Those were the days. We didn't have much, but we were miserable."

In Honour of Tomas

Tomas (without an H, for religious reasons) had made the pilgrimage in one piece. This was remarkable, he had started in two pieces. He was a devoted spiritual aspirant, so much an aspirant, in fact, that doctors recommended one Tomas every other day to prevent heart disease. What drove Tomas to godly pursuits? Surely it was his sensitivity, his compassion, his refusal to get a job. The world could take a page or two out of Tomas's book. There would be less Hs in the world.

Photo Album III

Announcement is made of the marriage of Miss Jeanette Siss, son of Harold and Annette Siss (known as the Sissies [sic]) and Osborn Valentine, son of Agnes Valentine and Cecil Baxter (the gentleman rose to the occasion [sic]).

Thanks to the wonders of science, the wedding took place Wednesday evening, during the height of the pandemic.

It is understood which the bridegroom is by the rampant metallic knocking emanating from his mid-region.

After a honeymoon in an hotel [sic] room with an extra-king-sized bed (social distancing), the couple is residing in Columbia.

From the Past IV

"Your long underwear, sire."

Old Dirt Road

"As working folk, our taxes pay for this dirt."