The first Olympic games were held every four years in the Olympia Valley of Greece. Legend has it* that a man with great deformities around the biceps originated the games. That man's name was Herakles, or Hercules to the Romans, and simply Cules to the modern, socially conscious person. Apparently, King Eurystheus ordered Herakles to clean out King Augeas's stables, which had not been cleaned in a year. Augeas was a horder. Eurystheus had learned this watching a reality TV show in which Augeas was encouraged to give up piles of garbage. Weeping uncontrollably, Augeas decided instead to feed the producers to the lions. These were different times, but it was great television. Now Augeas's hand was once again being forced; Herakles was on the case. A man of obscene strength, Herakles could fight a lion with his bare hands. What's more, he could fight a bear with his lion hands (well, why not?). Summoning all his power, Herakles changed the course of two rivers so they flowed through the stables—an inspired action resulting in fifty years of hosepipe bans. The stables were cleaned by the water, however. Augeas was a broken man, and fed himself to the lions. "Praise Zeus! From hereon we will play atheletic games, every four years!" said Herakles—a natural proclamation under the circumstances.
* A legend is not to be doubted, unless the legend hosted British television in the seventies.
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